I have always wanted 4 kids...since I was a kid. I thought it the perfect size to a family. When I met Eddie, I thought I wanted 6. Then, we had 1 and I thought maybe 5. Then we had 2 and I thought yes, definitely 4. Four would be great. Then Reeve was born and our lives suffered. Having a newborn who was fussy, finicky, difficult, always wanted to be held, bad sleeper was great and all but combined with moving, being homeless and all the emotions that go into that burdened us. We thought 3 was good. After the pain and agony wore off I just couldn't shake the feeling that someone was missing from my family. Now that someone does not have a have a boy/girl gender necessarily. So when I am running errands with the boys (Trinity has been at camps most of the time while I run errands and have since been showing) and strangers CONSTANTLY suggest "trying for a girl?" I seriously want to slap them. I politely (sometimes) reply "No, I have one of those already. I am trying for a baby." Even those that ask if I want a girl since we are outnumbered I still politely reply "nope, trying for a baby."
Now it has got me thinking, do I want a girl? Do I need even balanced genders? I think public opinion is making me think a girl would be better. Then, a door slams and a foot stomps and a finger gets pointed at me and I then I remember how nice boys are and how much more easy they are. Then I think they will run off and get married someday and never call again because their wife thinks they are a mama's boy. Then it will be just me and Trin close as ever....I digress. My point is when I think about my grown family it is not gender based, not perfectly balanced it is a family with happy memories, childhoods and great character and successful lives. I need another girl just as a need another boy. I NEED another baby. Which brings me to a even B-I-G-G-E-R pet peeve and makes me reply in not such a polite tone.
I guess families of 4 kids are odd, weird and completely not understood to the general public or even some family members. If someone else asks me one more time if this pregnancy was "planned" I will lose it. I find this to be a very personal question and you should never ask this if you are clearly a stranger. In fact, never ask it. Am I to respond, whoops, yeah, BIG mistake here. I find it a bit audacious that someone would suggest it. Perhaps I take it too personal and perhaps it really isn't a big deal. But, it is a big deal to me. I would have loved to have an oops baby, to not plan it. In fact, I prayed about it. I get caught up in monthly cycles, ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, pregnancy cues, disappointment. I wish for once I could have skipped all that and left the control to God. But no, no oops here. All planned people, all planned.
So, when asked "was this planned?" or "is this baby a surprise (wink wink)" I only hear "Is this baby a big fat mistake because your crazy to have 4!?!?" I only want to be seen as the happy little family we are.
postscript: if i end up with a 5th child someday, you can ask if THAT one was planned. :)
3 comments:
I had similar comments with each of the boys - who knows why! Either way, people should keep their comments to themselves. SO thrilled for you!!
~Sam
I love this, Leslie! As the only girl in a family with 5 kids, I can remember my mom getting those raised eyebrows all the time. But it's simply the cultural mindset we live in. In God's economy, they are seen as "blessings," "rewards," "heritage," (psalm 127-128) -basically prosperity! We have it all turned upside down here.
So... if number five ever makes an appearance, I won't ask if he was planned- I'll be silently cheering you on!
We have 4 too and that was all God's planning. I never felt it right to ask people if they were going to keep trying to even the number out as if they had somehow failed. My mom had 4 girls; and my mother in law had 6 boys. They thanked God for their blessings and that was that.
Post a Comment