Endurance

I sit here nursing a broken toe inflicted by my sweet 4 year old daughter. It was in a the middle of a fit that she threw her American Girl doll at me which landed harshly on my second toe.
Here is where I get my feelings and frustrations out in regards to raising this child who knows how to push my buttons. It does give me comfort in knowing that every mom I know with a 4 or 5 year old girl is going through this same thing, this same attitude.
So, I am struggling with which times to discipline which to not. What is considered her exercising her will and what is her just working out her emotions and how to get a hold on them.
I asked Eddie the other day, what is our point of discipline? It is not so much to have a well behaved child that stuns friends, family and onlookers by her superior good manners. Although, that would be nice too! I really want to mold her heart so that she learns the value of kind words and kind actions. I want her to have compassion and love for others. I want her to be patient and kind so she has a positive impact on others. I want others to want to be in her company and feel loved by her. I can throw in the towel and let her be wild or I can chip away daily and pray that my teaching is sinking in. Some days I do throw in the towel and let her get away with more than I should out of pure exhaustion. For the most part I am on the battlefield with her fighting tooth and nail. I want to enjoy her company and see her sweet side more than her diva side. I am aching to see the fruits of my labor.
So, here is a warning to you with smaller girls. This is what you have to look forward too. Start preparing now. For those who are on the other side of this or have had girls that skipped this stage, God Bless You! I feel as though I am in the trenches some days and could use a tall glass on water.

Postscript: I have been getting some discipline questions over this post. Mostly to the point of what did you do about it, how did you discipline her?
Let me first start by saying that this "fit" was boiling for about 10 minutes before the "incident." Her and I were bumping heads on every issue. She was getting more and more mad and frustrated and me and I at her. The doll issue came to a head because she wanted to be by daddy (most likely because she was tired of me). I told her no and needed to remedy her attitude despite Eddie trying to defuse the situation. In her anger and frustration, she threw her doll. Not at me but at the floor. My toe happened to be in the way.
Have you ever done something wrong and immediately wished you could rewind 5 seconds and make a different choice? I saw this reaction immediately in Trinity's eyes when I yelled out "ooowwwww, TRINITY!!!!!" Her mood became more hysterical. I had the wits about me to not discipline in this situation for several reasons: 1) I was so very anger and any discipline would have been out of pure anger which I am against. I took her doll away and escorted her to her room while we both called down. 2) There have been a few instances when I know that she has instant remorse for what she has done (like throwing water all over the bathroom- - the look on Eddie's face was enough to start apologizing immediately) and this was one of them.
Once we calmed down I had a stern conversation with her and we made up. I think this was enough to remedy the issue and get us back on track. Thankfully nothing has happened remotely close to this since.